I’ve never been one for hugely inflammatory or click-baity titles. I generally opt for Simpsons references and alliteration to attract readers, as it makes me feel smart and important. I can appreciate how the title “Nobody actually fucking cares” would seem to break this trend, as it alludes to Dan having regressed to the emotional state equivalent of putting Sum 41 lyrics in his MSN status; let me assure you though, this is an uplifting piece.

Of course people care. They care about their jobs; they care about their families; they apparently care about their eyebrows a lot these days for some reason. There are plenty of things in life worth caring about, and far be it from me to judge what those things may be for any given person.

What they probably do not care about, is you.

Oh sure, your Mum cares about you. Your siblings probably do…