I truly feel like I’m starting over but I can’t start because I don’t know where to, and this bout’s acceptance process has left me holistically exhausted, apathetically hopeless, and aimlessly wandering

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I have absolutely no desire to find a job in my career field and I lost the one person who fully knew and loved me throughout my life. What do I do with that? What, of value, do I even have left? I don’t know who I’m turning into but I know God can make something of her with however much time she has on earth.

https://courtneymessinger.wordpress.com/2020/12/16/remains

I wanted to know that I matter, that my life matters in this world, that my existence has significance

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I realized that everything I had been doing in my life, everything that I had been building up to, such as my high-paying job and my condo ~ it was all an illusion, it was all a facade. What was the point of stressing myself out for five years if I were to lose it all one day? Why did I have to suffer for nothing? Losing everything in the pandemic made me start to question what the purpose of everything was. Why was it that we spend our whole youth spending six hours in a classroom, which most subjects we don’t even use and why do we take such big gambles such as paying thousands of dollars for an education that does not guarantee a job or if we get one, we could lose it in an instant due to factors outside of our control? Why did thousands of people need to die needlessly in the pandemic, including someone I knew, who was young and vibrant, at the start of her career?

https://introspectivecollections.wordpress.com/2020/12/10/why-a-blog

What’s your purpose?

blog , blogger , brighton , career , job , life , lifebitch , mental health , purpose

Life Bitch!

Do you ever have moments where you question what the fuck you’re doing with your life? Everyone probably has them right but as someone who is a logical thinker I get stuck on how to fix that.

Just lately I’ve really been questioning what to do with my life. We spend the majority of our life working. We spend at least 8 hours a day there so it has to be something we enjoy. But what if you don’t know what you enjoy? Does anyone really know what would make them happy in life? I’m not sure I do.

This is where I get stuck. Where’s my checklist to work through to understand what I should do. I wanted to be a performer my whole life and I worked hard at it but it didn’t happen. Then I was going to go into accounting but for one reason or another…

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