Demons and monsters fighting in and out of me

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Such a pathetic bunch of flash and bones I am. The only thing I can do is wondering, and wondering, and wandering. Cluelessly. I was laying on the front veranda this morning, Lou and her friend Kate chatting in front of a cuppa, me silently looking up, the sky painted in an aching bright deep blue, the top of the green lush gumtrees floating with the wind, the sun warming me up, the earth, the summer and the unbearable beauty of the moment surrounding me, me just sinking in it, in the light. Tears stinging to get out. I see the world and it’s so beautiful. I see life, my life is so beautiful, full of colours, light, people, love. And this is why I’m so unhappy, so desperate. I am among people, but no-one is with me. I’m just nearby, they are just nearby. I can’t share the beauty, I can’t share my thoughts. I can write them down here, or I can draw endless skies, I can draw love that I imagine between people that I imagine, that I imagine to be, but I can’t do anything to share all of this with someone in reality, not in the tangible world.

https://animascalza.wordpress.com/2021/01/24/my-whole-life

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